Because your assertive ruler Mars is opposed by cautious Saturn, tensions with a family member may arise.

(The fact that Uncle Chet and Aunt Vera gave you the same fruit cake for this Christmas that you had given them last Christmas, was probably not justification for you turning their maid into the Immigration Service.)

 

 


 

You are moving into one of the most creative periods of the year. The Sun joins artistic Venus in imaginative Gemini.

(It's time to join artistic cousin Phil in his commerative "Sonny and Cher" ceramic mugs business.)

   

 

A positive midweek alliance between your ruler Mercury and intense Pluto will enable you to add the full weight of your feelings to a family disagreement.

(Of course, if Pluto rejects the alliance, and Mercury has to seek an alliance with Goofy instead, you should just keep your big mouth shut.)

   

 

Tuesday's Sun-Uranus opposition means someone in a position of authority is about to surprise you. Career advancement could be in your future.

(Your supervisor Clarence, is going to show up for work in a saran wrap diaper again. A few polaroid photos can make your next job review go much better.)

   

 

A New Moon in Leo urges you to stay positive in thoughts and actions.

(Unlike that old mooning in high school that got you suspended for a week.)

   

 

A difficult aspect between the Sun and your ruler Saturn means that time has come for you to listen to advice.

(In other words, if you call our Psychic Hotline right now, you'll get the cheaper nighttime rates.)

   

 

A Sun-Jupiter opposition now forming may make you reevaluate your values. Don't let these insecurities undermine a close relationship.

(Don't be so hard on yourself. The fact that your lover doesn't know your last name is no reflection on you.)

   

 

The Sun and deceptive Neptune are linked on Tuesday encouraging you to realize that there is no point being honest with others if you are not honest with yourself.

(Which explains not only why you told that girl at the party that you owned a software company, but also why you joined the "Hair Club for Men".)

   

 

You have not been feeling at your best recently, but after the Sun enters your birth sign on Thursday, you will feel better.

(Of course, if on Monday you hadn't run that stop sign and slammed your Saturn into that old Mercury, none of these problems would have happened in the first place.)

   

 

The combined influence of the Sun and Neptune early in the week will make it hard for you to recognize your personal needs.

(The combined influence of Baskins and Robbins next month will make it hard for you to recognize yourself in the mirror.)

   
  Cosmic forces are urging you to examine a personal issue. It may be romantic, financial, or health related.

(Or, it could be unrelated to any of those matters. Then again, it might not be all that personal. In fact the Cosmic forces may not be urging anything. They could just be babbling like lobotomized orangutans.)
   

 

Your self-controlled ruler Saturn, opposed by forceful Mars shortly before it turns retrograde, indicates a frustrating week unless a mid-week Sun-Uranus opposition disturbs your rebellious ruler Uranus.

(It means just what it says.)

Go back to HUMOR home page Return to Dow Digital Design Main Screen

Unless otherwise indicated, the humor on these pages is copyrighted original material.
It may be copied for personal use only and cannot be reproduced anywhere else without permission.
© 1997 Jack Dow